Tag Archives: Depression

To Pray For Those I’d Rather Not

“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” -Jesus Christ, Luke 6:27-28 These are hard words. But… Several weeks ago, … Continue reading

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What You Taught, But What I’ve Learned

Forgiveness is something sought; asked for. You told me it was something I had to give regardless of whether or not the offender wanted it, or believed they even needed it. It set up a system in which perpetrators could … Continue reading

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The First Wall

It has been a rough morning. My body is still adjusting to a dramatic change in medication. I ache. My mind feels clouded. Replaying in my head are the words, I CAN’T DO THIS! I’m staring at the first wall. Myself. My … Continue reading

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We Don’t Need Their Stones

She waits before their altar With bloody hands And dirty feet; Hoping to come clean In the water They claim is for washing But drink like bourbon. Honey, You won’t find holy there. Only scorn for ashes. They don’t know … Continue reading

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The Year of Mercy and Forgivness

Dear Friends, A new year is upon us. Hallowed and blessed is this opportunity for us to learn to love ourselves and daily kick the shit out of our demons. You are wonderful. Beautiful. Brave. Stay strong; know with certainty … Continue reading

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Dive In

Dive Into this Blood on the floor; Resuscitation. Heart beating pulsation; Perfectly timed compression. Light Dimming and winking out. In eyes that have never seen, But are so goddamned afraid. And I, Am terribly afraid. This ocean is too big. … Continue reading

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Looking Back: Calvary Chapel Hanford

“For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So it is no surprise if his servants, also, disguise themselves as servants … Continue reading

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Inner Glow

Today, May light, Life, And love, Be yours. Let the dark cower In the presence of your inner glow. Beautiful. I swear, You have more strength Than you know.

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Leaving Church Ostracized and Discriminated Against For Her Disability

When she asked why I have PTSD, I told her that I was not comfortable sharing that with her. She then proceeded to tell me that if I was really a good Christian… if I REALLY trusted God, then there … Continue reading

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Broken Promises of the Mental Health Care System

The past few days have been filled with breakdowns and hospitals. I find myself desperately calling out for help, but it seems unless I threaten self harm, then no one is willing to help. Listening to news commentators and politicians … Continue reading

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Eccedentesiast

A sorrow so deep; Perpetual wounds Calling for the end With sweet Siren allure. Hidden Behind the false bright Of our forced and fractured grins. We fear To speak the pain; Fear You won’t love us if we did. Fear … Continue reading

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Disregard…I’m Trying to Center Myself

There are nights, like tonight, when the anxiety is too much. It rises up like some primal fear telling you to run. I want nothing more than to make it stop. I can’t focus. My stomach is in knots. There … Continue reading

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Insomnia

I haven’t known sleep in years.She eludes me.Taunts me.Tells me over and over again,That I will never catch her.She’s right. Laying here in the dark,Hoping to do well without her,I wrestle wakefulness.I am out raced by my thoughts.I tally the … Continue reading

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It Hurts to Leave

Forgive this continous Walking away journey of roads. I never meant to leave you so entirely alone. I never meant to stay out in this cold. But I go where I am called That I might keep you safe. Love. … Continue reading

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Reckless Unraveling

I am recklessly Hopelessly Trying to understand the breakdown Unraveling in my head. A damn dam bursting into so much broken stone. Flooding thoughts With the cacophonous chorus Of bubbling Babbling Screaming. Unanswered questions, What ifs, If onlys, Only If … Continue reading

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