God Have Mercy

fallingapart

Slow poison.
Sick and drowning in myself.
Each cut closer to closure.
Closer to home.
I am
Unraveling myself.
Pulling out heartstrings and tendons.
Ripping out
The better parts of myself.

Always,
An excuse for leaping without looking.
I am looking at the wall.
Driving faster.
I want to hit it harder.
Watch the pieces of the wreckage.
Not thinking about the damage.
Just the explosion.

Caffeine induced shaking.
I get nervous
Touching that knife to my skin.
Still I hold it there.
Looking for a way out.
Buried
Under so much guilt.
I shouldn’t be happy.
I don’t deserve to be happy.

Every blessing
Is a pin prick to the conscience.
And I am conscious
Of the stones around my neck,
The waters around my feet,
The fear
That keeps me from wading deeper.

O God.
Have mercy on me,
A sinner.

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About Z.

Poetic pipe and cigar enthusiast rifling through the haunted memories of a not so distant past while openly wrestling with faith and God. A rambling writer with the misguided notion that he has something to say. His only redeeming qualities are his wife and children.
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