I’m trying to write, and it is so hard to concentrate. Hospital visits, medical appointments, breakdowns, mind numbing medication, and conversations with specialist whirl about and replay in my head.
I just feel so numb right now. Distant. Distracted. Disassociated.
I hate this, but I know I need this. The breach had to be made. I can’t keep living like this anymore. I had two options: cry out for help, or make the pain stop on my own. I’ve too much to live for to even consider the second option.
This journey is terrifying. I am filled with doubt and uncertainty. Did I do the right thing? I know the answer is, yes, but intellectually ascending to an idea and knowing something to be true are two very different things.
God help me.